A Railway guard as I've heard tell
Was nuts on a Paddington servant girl
Out of all other guards he took the shine
Pot Bellied Bill of the Western Line
Says she without you I shall die
But that he says is all my eye
She loved him well but what was worse
She threatened her life with a 'terminus'
Steam, steam, steam, and puff, puff, puff,
With his pimply face so chuff' chuff' chuff
It was told to her it was alright
That he'd conduct a first class train that night [Note 348.1]
Alright says she if that's the case
I'll have another look at his pimply face
So to the station off she went
To travel with him was her intent
He shook hands with her and said my duck
Allow me to show you a railway truck
Into the carriage then off she went
Puff went the whistle and away they went
Nought their progress could retard
What a cool consoling railway guard
He vowed that night she ne'er should rue
He swore to her he would prove true
I've met in many places you my duck
But its quite another matter in a railway truck
In a few month after this young gal
Why she appeared quite dropsical
She thought her case was very hard
Say she I must see what you call for, the Railway Guard
So she kept him in her mind
And then soon she was confined
She'd a nice little boy but Oh! worse luck
He was marked with a four-wheeled railway truck
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By a lot of old she was advised
How that her case was undisguised
And as they thought her case was very hard
To lay it before the Parish Board [Note 348.2]
Who looked suspicious and said my buck
Touching the business in the railway truck
When before the beak¹ his bowpot dropped [Note 348.3]
He promised to marry her and the case was stopped
He kept his word but now I'm told
Their eldest boy is twelve years old
Of children they have had a stock
Since they've been joined in wedlock
And this young girls abscribes (sic) her luck
To the journey she took in a railway truck.