All, you that wish to be gammon'd¹,
Pray take a trip to the_Noreº;
There's smoking, steaming, and cramming,
And singing and dancing galore.
There's ranters¹, tinkers, and tailors,
All join in this beautiful rout°,
With dustmen¹, coblers [sic], and sailors,
And always a man that can spout¹.

Chorus:  O ! this a charity treat,
                 To be steam'd and smoked to the Nore ;
                 There's plenty of fun to be seen,
                 And it's all for the good of the poor.

The divine¹ he soon opens his book,
To chaunt¹ a most beautiful tune ;
With the assistance of Teddy O'Rook,
The stave¹'s at an end very soon.
There's singing and squalling below,
And fighting and bawling above ;
And some of them sighing and playing,
And the rest of them dying for love.
O, this is a charity treat, &c.

Then about one o'clock is the time
To see them all cramming their maws,
Being the hour appointed to dine,-
O, the terrible working of jaws!
There was some with pickled pork,
And others with mutton and beef;
Some with sheep's head broth,
And others that have nothing to eat.
O, this is a charity treat, &c.

The dinner it was soon over,
For all of them gobbled so fast ;
Mrs. Muggy, to keep things moving,
Soon call'd for her bottle and glass.
There was some with bottled porter¹,
Others with ale¹ and stout¹ ;
And some with blue_ruin¹ and water,
Which caused a general rout³.
O, this is a charity treat, &c

Peace was not proclaimed until three,
And then, alas ! what a disaster,-
The divine got so drunk be couldn't see,
For they over his eyes clapped a plaster¹.
Mr. Murphy Delaney broke his head,
Which soon put an end to his scoffing ;
And the cabin was so hot they declared,
That they steamed two or three in a coffin.
O, this is a charity treat, &c.

They very soon reached Gravesendº,
But were all ashamed to be seen ;
For they had very little to spend,
So they turned the sail into a screen. [Note 616.1]
But the men of Kent would not be done,
They presented both cannon and ball, [Note 616.2]
Which brought them all out one by one,
By the powers, what a general squall.
O, this is a charity treat, &c.

The divine soon fell on his knees,
When he found he was safe on dry ground ;
And declared it a charity treat,
That had brought them all from town.
They were very soon sent on board,
And prepared to finish their rout;
And soon got the vessel unmoored,
Which caused the parson to spout.
O, this is a charity treat, &c.

They resolved to return back to town,
And determined to pass off the joke;
It was no charity treat they soon found,
But a_bottle_of_steam_and_smoke¹.
As soon as they reached the shore,
The mob thus began with their scoffing-
"They've had a fine steam to the Nore,
And some they have steamed in their coffin."
O, this is a charity treat, &c.

Now you that go steaming by water,
With an intent to drown dull care;
Pray be steamed to a different quarter,
As there's steam vessels to go thro' the air. [Note 616.3]
And as my steam rout soon ends,
We must admit 'twas a shocking disaster;
But instead of being charity friends,
They all proved friends to the steam master.
O, this is a charity treat, &c.