Trip to Richmond by Water

Suggested Tune  [619Notation]

The tide it will serve, and the weather is fine,
And. as Sunday's a day we have leisure,
If you'll think of a place to conveniently dine,
We'll make up a party of pleasure.
There's Kate and her cousin, there's Bill and his wife,
And then there's old Pops and his daughter,
With two or three friends, besides you, my dear life,
Zooks¹! you'll all go to Richmond¹ by water.

What, nobody come yet ? this is just the way I am sarved when I want to go a pleasuring.
Well, I say, is Muggins¹ come yet ?
No. No why not?
His wife wo'n't let him come to go.
Wife wo'n't let! phoo! folly! pitch 'em all to the devil: damned nonsense! petticoat government, and all that-I wouldn't stand it.
What's that you say, sir?
Nothing, my dear.
Yes, you did, sir; I heard you - about petticoat-governent ; you are not under petticoat-government, sir :- stop till I get you home, sir, I'll pay you for this.
My dear, I said nothing, only that every man ought to do what his wife tells him.
Will Mr. Stave, the cooper¹, come?
No, sir ; he can't come.
No! why not?
Why, sir, his children have all got the hooping cough, and his wife is all but gone, so he means to smoke his pipe at home, for once, in peace and quietness.
Now, here's all our party broke up-I never saw any thing like it; we sha'n't have any body come now.
Yes, we shall, and here they all come - what a lo t- well, how are you ?
Why haven't you brought Sally ?
Don't mention her; we have sent her off; she was too much in the way of the family.
What's that you say - Sally was in the family-way?
My dear sir, hush! you'll take away her character.
Well, she ought to be obliged to any one to do that - I'm sure it was a very bad one.
Vell, if you're going, vhy don't you come.
What, are we going in that ere little jemmy¹ thing ?
That, sir ? why that's a real sea-boat.
Aye, but we want a fresh-water boat now.
Don't call it a boat-it don't sound nautical - call it a vessel.
Come, are you all in?
Yes, here's Bill in the mud.
Is he - lend me your cane, I'll give him such a lick.
You'd better give him a wipe, that will be of more service to him.
Pray, sir, what have you got in your pocket ?
Half-a-pound of salt, just to relish the dinner with.
Well, then, if we are not on the sea, we are on salt water.
Why so, sir ?
Why, sir, your coat-pocket has been hanging in the water these ten minutes..
Going down the river, marm ?
Don't talk about going down the river, Sir, or it will be all up with me.
There's Mrs. Tomkin's bonnet fell in the water!
I've got it-don't put it on yet, or you'll get a watery head.
It's plain you've not got a watery head, sir.
Why, ma'am ?
Every thing is so dry that comes out of your mouth.
La, pa, are wo almost there ?
Yes, my dear, I should think so, by the change of the climate, it's so very hot.
Oh, what lots of boats! where can they all, be goin to ?
Going to all parts, ma'am, some up, some down.
Sit up, or you'll upset the boat.
Take care, for, if our boat should be upset, where should we all go to?
Go, ma'am-why, some up -some down.-

Sure, there is nothing so pleasant in life,
As a trip up to Richmond by water.

Now, mind what you're at, and don't wriggle the boat,
There's a nice little breeze sprung for sailing ;
Should we happen to sink, friends, instead of to Boat,
Our joy will be turned to bewailing:
Now, none of your larking, she may spring a leak,
Kate would have fell out, but I caught her ;
All very well is a bit of a freak,
But mind what you're at on the water.

La, papa, is that Richmond all that long way off?
Yes, my dear, it will be longer be-fore we get there.
Mrs. Brisket, will you take a little drap of summat?
No, thank'ee, sir, I'm not in the cue.
I beg your pardon, ma'am, you are - this is all Kew¹, all along here.
How very witty some folks are-a'n't they, ma'am?
Yes, sir, but I'm sorry to say you're not one on'em.
How prime it is to have one's hands in the water!
I hope, Mrs. Dewsdrop, my splashing don't in-commode you.
No, sir, not in the least ; it did at first though, but I'm wet through now, so I don't mind it.
My eye, if here 'ant a hole in the boat!
O la, is there,-where ?
Here, where they puts up the sail.
La, what's the use of haggitating one so!
Now, here we are, close a-shore, what shall we do ?
Oh, let's go and ruralify a bit-I'm for dining on a highland.
I don t know where we shall go - I'm for the Hay-cock¹ - my husband's for the_Horns¹.
Oh l blow the Horns!
Mind, there, take care of your scull, thick head, will you!
Bless me, how hot the water is !
How do you know that, ma'am?
Why, I'm up to my knees in it, sir.
Well, never mind, warm water can't give you cold.
Come, now, sit down in the grass.
How charming romantic this is - who would have thought of it ?
Why, I did, to be sure, or I shouldn't have brought the plates and dishes - you've forgot the spoons, hav'n't You?
How could I is the present company ?
There's a fat lady has brought two very fine hams.
Sharp you are, sir ; you have brought your tongue with you, I perceive.
Yes, mam ; you never go any where without yours, I presume.
Come, sit down ; where's the butter?
O_gemini¹! I put it into my coat-pocket, and forgot to take it out, and it's all melted!
Never mind, I like melted butter. Where's the eggs? Sarah, where did you lay them?
Bill put them in his pocket, and Jack hit them with his stick, and smashed them all.
How foolish ! you should never beat up eggs in any body's pocket !
Where's the salt ?
That's in the water.
Where's the pepper ?
Gone after the salt
O cry ! look at old Mumps-he has got his ankeens¹ on, and he has been sitting down where the cows have been.
How will you go home ?
Why, by steam.
Aye, to be sure, and then you will have enjoyed all the five elements-earth, air, water, fire, and steam.

Sure, there is nothing, &c.
Now, all up the side, we are safe upon deck,
They have taken, I hope, care to oil her,
For there'd be a pretty to-do in the wreck
If the steam-man should once burst the boiler ;
I almost now wish we had gone home by land,
Which they say would have been much the shorter,
But not half so romantic, could that have been planned,
As returning from Richmond by water.

Well, I think we have spent a very pleasant day.
Ma'am, a day is never come till it's gone ; and, remember, you're on board a Steam-Packet.
Don't frighten me, sir.
Don't be alarmed, ma'am; I don't say that any accident will occur, but for myself I never was on board one that something unpleasant did not happen.
It's very unpleasant for you to say so, sir.
That safety-valve is in a very unsafe state.
There is no danger from fire, I hope, sir?
No, ma'am, be-cause if the boiler bursts it will put out the fire.
Yes, and put us out too, wo'n't it ?
Yes. O dear ! I wish they hadn't taken as in.
No, sir, people in general don't like to be taken in.
Look there . bless my stars! did you see that funny upset !
Funny upset, air! I think it was a very serious up-set, sir.
Any accident?
No; only a lady showed her ancle.
Was it a large funny ?
No; a very little funny.
Come, go on with your steam-boat, will you ?
Don't you say so much about steam, if you do they'll smoke you.
No, they wo'n't-they may smoke my backy if they like-I sells it.
What sort do you sell, sir ?
Ax about.
Oh! short cut, I see.
Don't be saucy, or I may chance to give you some returns.
Perhaps your returns might be .
Perhaps it might, and perhaps I shall pull your nose.
Perhaps you might, sir ; it will all lie in the way of business-a pinch of black-guard.
You had better hold your tongue.
I had better hold my nose-that seems in the greatest danger.
Humph !I say, Gubbins¹, how are you? -where did you dine to-day ?
I didn't dine any where ; I have got the tooth-ache, and couldn't eat a bit.
You came out for pleasure, didn't you?
Yes; and I haven't been free from pain a moment all day.
Well, I am sorry I came in a steam-boat ; the company are always so very low.
Yes, mem, but if it were to blow up they would then be higher.
Yes, sir, but that is a sort of elevation I do not wish them while I am in their company.
Pray, sir, as you seem to know every thing, what is steam?
Steam, ma'am-is-a sort-of-that is. Pho, says Pompous, steam is a - I'll tell you what steam is - steam, you see, is - there, that's the boiler-that's the valve-and steam, you see, pish '- steam is nothing more than - a pail of water put in perspiration.

Sure, there is nothing, &c.