Railway Belle

Travelling salesman falls for railway barmaid but loses out to railway guard.



I travelled for Gallipot(1), Cork, and Co. [Note 326.1]
In the pickling vinegar trade
And never had cause for a moments woe,
'til meeting a fair young maid
Who served behind a first-class bar   [Note 326.2]
On the Chatham and Dover Line   [Note 326.3]
Refreshment Room I ought to say
But that mistake is mine

Chorus: I try to be merry but its no use
              My case is very hard
              She left me as silly as a farmyard goose
              When she married that railway guard

Her eyes were as blue as the boundless sea
Her hair was the colour of gold
As blithe as a lark and as busy as a bee
While the twopenny buns she sold
Or served the soup so very hot
as the bell rang for the train
To "scald your mouth" or "leave the lot"
But then you couldn't complain  [Note 326.4]

Lovers she had of every sort
From the dustman to the Swell
You may suppose, she'd lots of beaux  [Note 326.5]
This charming railway belle
But she served them with the same good will
Favourites she had none
Twas "thank you sir" as she filled the till
And a smile for every one

With favour she looked down on me
With joy my heart was cheered
When a sudden stop came to my glee
A rival he appeared
All clothed in green with silver lace
On the collar of his coat a yard  [Note 326.6]
An elegant foot for a Wellington Boot
(spoken) (In fact) the model of a railway guard

I saw that every hope had fled
That every chance was marred
Appearance was against me dead
'Twas ten to one on the guard
For without a doubt I'm getting stout
At least I'm far from slim  [Note 326.7]
I'm five feet six; he's six feet five  [Note 326.8]
All polished neat and trim.

I mustered courage to propose
And asked her to be mine
But she turned up her little nose
And said she must decline
She was engaged or perhaps she might
Look on me with regard
In less than three short month from that
She married the railway guard

I never travel now by train
Since I got in that line
For memory will almost break
This tender heart of mine
The sight of a railway makes me ill
The sight of a green coat, sad
I'm never out at ball or rout²
For the Guards Waltz drives me mad.  [Note 326.9]