Trip to the Nore, A

Describes the pleasures of a steamboat trip and the characters aboard. 

A TRIP to the Nore¹ this day we will take,
For it is the general talking;
It's as pleasant a trip as you can make,
But to the boat it's useless walking.
A coach you will not find on the stand ;
-Oh, yes, my dear, there are plenty ;
I'll venture my life, if you give but command,
It's possible to get you twenty.

All, I said we should get a coach ; well here we are all seated;
Oh, dear me I am so glad.-
Why ?-
Oh, it has left off raining.
What of that?
Oh, I was afraid we should go by water.
Well, and sha'n't we ?
I thought we was to go by steam.
Well, ar'n't steam water ?
Coachman, coachman, I will not go down Thames Street, so it's no use you driving that way.
Lord bless you, marm, it vasn't my intention as how to take you all along those nasty fish carts; St. St. St;
Lord, bless you, marm, vy the top of this here street is Tower Hill.
Oh, here is the Tower
Going to the Nore, marm?
My boat will take you, Sir.
Vich of the steamers did you vont, your honour?
I say, marm, did you vont the Albion¹, or the Eclipse¹, or the Sovering²?
What ! coachman, did you say your fare was a sovering¹ !
Lord bless you, marm ; no, only three-and.sixpence.
Fine, Sir, oboy !-fine, Sir, oboy ! you had better take a pottle¹
I think I had better not.
I tell you vat, my dear, mind you don't dirty your vites.
Here, this here is the boat, marm ;
I say, Jack, vy don't you bring that are stool this here vay, don't you see that these here three ladies and gemmen vonts to get in my boat ?
Vel, here I am.
Oh, dear me, I am so frightened !
Ah, my dear, more frightened than hurt.
Hope you vont forget poor Jack ?
There's twopence for you.-
Well, Mr. Waterman, what do you mean to charge ?
Vy, two shillings. Sir.
O no, my dear fellow, you mistake !
Vy, not exactly ; you see I can take eight in my boat, but ven I see I have got decent people in my boat, vy, I don't vait. but comes off.-
Ah, ah, ah, that's very good ;
I say, where do you buy your fresh butter ?
Me have fresh butter ; vy, I never has fresh, I am always satisfied if I can get salt for my young uns.-
Well, here we are all safe on board the Albion.
Ah ! Mr. C. how do! how's Mrs. C. and all the little C's?-Ah ! Miss F ! glad to see you look so well, all charming, what a beautiful place! they may well call it a floating palace !-
Oh, how beautiful she goes.
What goes ?
Why , the Eclipse.
So she does; well she has eclipsed us
Niver mind.-
Now, there goes the Sovering.
Dear me, how she's loaded.
Well, and what if she is, no animal power suffers by it; it's all steam.-
Oh, dear me, we are last ; pray, Mr. Captain, how long will it be before we go?
Go, Madam, now directly ; so while I say start her, music strike up
Tu ral lal, In ral lal, to ral lal lu,
Tu ral lal, In ral lal, li do.

Now here's the Thames Tunnel, and Deptford Creek,
And that's the Hospital at Greenwich ;
Those are gibbets all hung in the bleak,
And that's the large warren at Woolwich.
With Erith and Tilbury-fort and its magazine,
Where large quantities of powder they send ;
Sure such sights as these were never seen,
As are from London to famous Gravesend.

Oh, dear me what are those things ?
Which, Miss? those things like waggons?
Yes, Sir.
They are bathing machine..-
Oh father, father, only look down this warm place, and see how them pumps go up and down ; what do they do, father ?
Why, pump her along, to be sure.-
What's the row ! what's the row !
No row at all, Sir, only a lady fallen down.
Then she had better get up again.
Dear me, how beautiful they dance; pray can you tell me what they call this dance?
Miss, it's quear drilling.
I wonder what that place is a little to the left ?
That's Southend
What a width the water is ; I wonder how wide it can be ?
Shall tell you-well then, at high water it is just eleven miles and three quarters.
You don't say so !
Oh, but I do ; my father was a waterman, and he told me so, and think he ought to know.
Well, I shall go to the head of the wessel, I should like to see a good vave.
There they are ! now she'll have 'em !
Oh, how delightful ! just like a see-saw.
Oh, how nasty the water tastes! oh, how uncomfortable, oh, oh, oh !-
You had better go to t'other end, Miss, or you'll be crisend.
That's vot the lady vonts.
Then she has got it.
Oh, dear ! oh, oh, dear me ! it almost took my breath away !
There it is, there is the Nore light.
What is that the Nore light ! I wish I had known, I would not have come ; never so deceiv'd in all my life, thought to be sure it was a stone building. -
Oh, oh, oh ! up, up, up !
Look at the poor devils throwing away their insides to feed the fishes.
Pray, Sir, what did you think of Sheerness?
Oh, I did not see it, I was on the other side of the vessel throwing-up, up-oh dear-oh dear !
There is the Howe, what do you think of that ?
What, no masts, disappointed again !-
Here's the end of His Majesty's Fleet, now round we turn.
Oh, do we ; pray could you tell me what's o'clock ?
Why ?
Oh, I wants to put the time down we reach our furthest destination, for I am writing down our voyage.
Our voyage !
Yes, Sir.
I should like to see it.
Ah, ah ! so will every body, I mean to publish it ; this voyage and some of my poetry will make a very pretty work !
What! can you make poetry ?
Oh, yea.-Come,
Bill, hoist him up on this bar ; now there you are ;why don't you begin ?
I say, vy don't that are chap begin his extrumperaneous poeteary. Gentlemen, gentlemen, you must give me a subject !
The ocean.
Thank you, hem-hem.

Oh, thou ocean of the briny ;-
You taste like pickled pork, that's very riney !!!

Oh, oh dear ! oh lauk ! oh my !
What's the matter?
What's the matter, why the waters, as if offended at this beastly comparison, hate given the vessel a sudden motion-thrown the poet down the hatchway, and chang'd his poetry into cries of help !Ah, all, ab !
What do you laugh for ?
Icame on purpose to laugh and sing Tu ral lal, &c.

Oh dear, cries a lady, I am dreadfully shy
At the sight of so much salt water ;
And here, Mr. Waiter, I am uncommonly dry,
So bring me a bottle of porter¹ :
A bumper of brandy, I think I will try,
To keep the dinner down I have been taking ;
And a glass of sherry give this young lady
Whose heart is so palpitating.

What curious objects those men look, with their hats tied to the button-hole of their coats.
Well, it's all over.
What's or er?
The danse is.
What's next ?
Vy, the consart !
The consart ! what do you mean ?
Vy, the singing and wrestations.
Come, my dears, we will now look at the machinery, is it not wonderful, my dears?
Oh yes, very wonderful ; pray can you tell us how it forces it along ?
Yes, my dears, that's the boiler, you see, the steam goes along that pipe, then along that, into the cylinder ; then that forces the cranks that turn the main axis,-then that propels the paddles.
Oh, thank you.-
Oh, Mr. Engineer, du you think there's any danger?
Danger ! lord bless you, Miss, she goes as easy as an old glove.
Now who's for tea?
and I, and everybody.
Tea for two-and-twenty.
That's your sort, Mr. Steward.
Well how have you liked the excursion ?
Never spent a day so pleasant in all my life; what with singing, reciting, dancing, music, and every other enjoyment, besides travelling so many miles; I shall go once every year as long as I live.
Here's the Sovering, I said we should overtake her.
Now, hats off, now, my boys, - now-hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah !
Tu ral lal, &c.