Conveyancing

O London is the place for all,
In love with loco-motion!
Still to and fro the people go
Like billows of the ocean;
Machine or man, or caravan,
Can all be had for paying,
When great estates, or heavy weights,
Or bodies want conveying.

There's always hacks about in packs,
Wherein you may be shaken,
And Jarvis¹ is not always drunk,
Tho' always overtaken;
In racing tricks he'll never mix,
His nags are in their last days,
And slow to go, altho' they show
As if they had their fast days!

Then if you like a single horse,
This age is quite a cab-age,
A car not quite so small and light
As those of our Queen Mab¹ age;
The horses have been broken well,
All danger is rescinded,
For some have broken both their knees,
And some are broken winded. [Note 729.1]

If you've a friend at Chelsea end,
The stages are worth knowing -
There is a sort, we call 'em short, [Note 729.2]
Although the longest going -
For some will stop at Hatchett's shop, [Note 729.3]
Till you grow faint and sicky,
Perched up behind, at last to find,
Your dinner is all dickey²

Long stages run from every yard:
But if you're wise and frugal,
You'll never go with any Guard
That plays upon the bugle,
'Ye banks and braes,' and other lays,
And ditties everlasting,
Like miners going all your way,
With boring and with blasting.

Instead of journeys, people now
May go upon a Gurney¹.
With steam to do the horse's work,
By powers of attorney;
Tho' with a load it may explode,
And you may all be undone!
And find you're going up to Heaven,
Instead of up to London! [Note 729.4]

To speak of every kind of coach,
It is not my intention; -
But there is still one vehicle
Deserves a little mention;
The world a sage has call'd a stage,
With all its living lumber.
And Malthus swears it always bears [Note 729.5]
Above the proper number.

The law will transfer house or land
For ever and a day hence,
For lighter things, watch, brooches rings,
You'll never want conveyance;
Ho! stop the thief! my handkerchief!
It is no sight for laughter-
Away it goes, and leaves my nose
To join in running after!