Dover Steam Packet, The

A voyage to Dover, probably from London

The pleasures of bathing and taking the air,
All stations and ranks will agree-
And to Dover the gentry in summer repair,
To dabble awhile in the sea;
The ocean's so charming, the prospect so grand,
So novel, so beauteous, and gay!
What blockheads are those who stay on the land,
When thus they might drive care away.

Spoken
How very pleasant it is to sail in a steam-ship, where there's no fear of breaking one's bonnets with the long poles passing. [Note 089.7]
-I say, Cap-tain, how long does your wessel take to come into port?
-Nine hours, twenty-three minutes, and three-fourths of a second. [Note 089.1]
-There now -there's another inestible and charming convenience of a steam-conveyance; for there's no fear of losing one's dinner in a long passage. [Note 089.2]
-No, for you've just secured your dinner in a long passage.
-Well, I wish we had reached the place.-Reached the place, sir-what do you mean by that? I think your bringing up such subjects afore company, don't show your manners.
-La, mamma, there's a porpoise!-I think you might teach your little Miss better manners, ma'am
-I take that as an insinivation upon my father-vat if he is a little stoutish.
-Pethaps, miss, it's a mermaid-that's no insinivation upon you.
-Well, I'm very sleepy.
-I wonder where I could take a nap.-jump overboard, you'll find a nice oister-bed [sic].
-No, that's not comfortable for the muscles.
-And I think you'd make better shark's meat.
-Oh, no sharks on this side of the water-you'll find plenty on the French coast.
-Yes, and many flat fish go front this side to feed 'em.-

Their journey is closed, and now near the shore
All fear for their voyage is over;
And qualms and sea-sickness for this time is o'er,
When they see the chalk mountains of Dover.
Now some bawling loud for their luggage and coat,
All's hurry and skurry [sic] to land!
Some sprawling and scrambling to get to the boat,
Which bears them all off to the land ; [Note 089.3]
Thick stowed in the vessel, with hearts like a feather,
So happy and merry they go;
Smooth water, fair breezes and sunshining weather
To Dover they jovially row

SPOKEN

Oh dear, look, if the wheels aint stopped!
-O dear, we are going down-we shall all be blown up for coming here
-Oh, Captain, all the steam's gone-pray make a little more till we get ashore.
-Hold your tongue, you foolish old woman, you're always wanting to be in hot water.
-Here's Dover-mind how you go down them ere steps into the boat. ma'am.  
-Thankee, young man.-Did you give the Captain any thing for me. ma'am?
-For you, indeed. no!
-Vy then your bandy legs may valk in as they can.
-What do you mean by that, you imperent [sic] feller?
O dear, I'm killed-seriously hurt
-I've broke-Broke! what have you broke ?
-The brandy-bottle in my side pocket.
-A h ! you knew there was glass there ; you should have kept that side uppermost.
-There, there, it's overboard.
-O dear, I hope it aint my silly husband.
-No, ma'am, it's only the anchor.
-Oh, my love, I'm bruised-I wish I had a few drops.
-Drops! I think you've had a drop too much, ma'am, by your dancing into the boat.
- Dancing, you impudent feller!
-Yes, reeling into it
-La, papa, what is them ere white things on the beach?-they are covered like the carts that show the animals at the fair.
-Yes, my dear, but they are covered to prevent the animal, being seen by the fair [Note 089.4]
-Shove off the boat.
-Stop, Mr. Captain, there's my vife's night-cap¹ in your bed, double bordered and nicely crimped¹[Note 089.5]
-Here it is, but it seems very much tumbled.
-All right, now here we go.
-Hallo! boat there-here's a puppy belonging to that kiddy in the collar. [Note 089.6]
-Oh throw the faithful animal overboard ; he'll swim to me.
-Yes, birds of a feather, they say-but you hant paid for that dog's passage.
-What! pay for the passage of a puppy
-I never heard of -such a thing.
-Oh !quite common-our vessel would never do if we took all puppies free.
-Now we're off

To where pleasure presides and gaiety reigns,
For here swarms each gay dashing rover ;
Your fate is full happy if fate once ordains
A visit to old famous Dover.