Everyone to Their Liking

The hero crosses the channel by steam but does not like what he finds


SOME time back, I felt much inclined to turn rover,
Of pleasure to have an additional gleam ;
So, without preparation, I started for Dover,
And cross'd the salt water to Calais by steam.
No sooner on board, than the wind got alarmist,
So high and so big roll'd the waves of the sea ;
I said to myself, all the while I felt qualmish¹,
Every one to their liking-old England for me !

We got there without being shipwreck'd or stranded,
Excepting the sickness, quite safe and sound ;
I was carried on shore by a female, and landed,
And glad enough, sure, when I touch'd dry ground.
I strutted about like an Englishman, grandish,
But their parley vous talk and I did not agree ;
For even the children, they talked quite outlandish,
Every one to their liking-old England for me !

At Calais I found there is nobody tarries ;
So like other-folks, wi' more cash than sense,
The very next morning I started for Paris,
In a curious sop coach, the Negligence : [Note 728.1]
I did not at all like this part of my tour ;
The post boy's² jack-boots¹ were great wonders to see ;
We travell'd a matter of two miles an hour :
Every one to their liking-old England for me !

At Paris arrived, where they say every charm is,.
I got from the coach, and the street I cross'd ;
I was axed for my passport-by two Jehndy armies ; [Note 728.2]
I felt in my pocket, and found 'twas lost,
I felt myself quite in a queer situation,
They soon made me know I was no longer fret ;
I said, in the midst of my grand twitteration,
Every one to their liking-old-England for me !

There's no misfortune in life but what has a door
At last I found out what I was to do,
That was to write to the British Ambassador
For a passport of one, I had lost, in lieu.
I got it, but not till some days I'd been waiting,,
They told me polite, I might then Paris see;
'Twas so grand; oh, says ',damn your Frenchified prating,
Every one to their liking-old England-for me !

For fear I'd be lock'd up, and put to such rack¹ again,
On what d'ye think then my mind was bent ?
Why, I went to coach office, and took my place back again,
And came home from France just as wise as I went.
There's many young men their own judgments have prided,
In making a tour the French fashions to see,
Emptied their pockets - saw just what I did
Every one to their liking - old England for me !

When folk at home learn'd that France I had been there,
Wi' questions they bored me, wi' might and main ;
Says I, depend on't, quite enough!' have seen there,
To hinder my travelling there again.
To spend money at home is an Englishman's duty ;
He may track foreign parts, foreign wonders to see ;
But for liberty, roast beef, plum-pudding and beauty,
Every one. to their liking-old England for me !