Daniel O'Connell's Steam Engine

O'Connell employs a steam engine that makes babies because those born naturally are too small.


You lovers of mirth, well I pray your attention
and listen now what I'm about to relate
Concerning a couple I overheard talking
as I was returning late home from a wake
Whilst looking around me I saw an old woman
who sat by a stile just a'milking her cow
She was jigging(1) a tune they call 'Haste to the Wedding',
or some other ditty, I can't tell you now

On looking around me I spied a bold tinker
who only by chance came a'strolling that way
The weather being fine he sat down beside her,
What news of us, tinker, the woman did say
'Tis no news at all ma'am, replied the bold tinker,
but the people will wish that they never had been
'Tis that damnable rogue they call Daniel O'ConnellĀ¹
is now making children in Dublin by steam

Our children are ill then? Replied the old woman,
That madman O'Connell, is he crazy at last?
Is there sign of a war or a sudden rebellion,
or what is the reason he wants them so fast?
'Tis not that at all ma'am, replied the bold tinker,
but the children of Ireland are getting so small
'Tis O'Connell's petition to the new Lord Lieutenant
to not let us make them the old way at all

By this pipe in me mouth then, replied the old woman,
and that's a great oath on me life for to take
I'm only a woman, but if I were near him
I'd venture me life that some little he'd speak
For the people of Ireland, 'tis very well known,
gave him their earnings though needing them bad
And now he is well recompensing them for it
by taking what little diversion they had

Good luck to your courage, replied the bold tinker,
long may you live and have youth on your side
And if all the young women in Ireland were like you,
O'Connell could lay his steam engine aside
Now all the young girls living in this old country
should start making babies as fast as they can
And if ever her majesty asks for an army,
we'll be able to send them as many as Dan.