Brighton Steam Packet

A song and patter describing an excursion to Dieppe On arrival the hero makes derogatory remarks about the traditional costume of the locals and the sound of their language. 

Brighton Steam Packet

Come, come, now Mistress Brown,
Let's hurry out of town,
For woundy(1) hot's the weather:
If here we longer stop,
I certainly shall drop,
We stick like figs together.
No York ham half so dry,
As you, my dear, and I,
Zounds, Sally, don't stand like a dreamer,
For by the safety-coach, [Note 046.1]
Fam'd Brighton we'll approach,
And take a sea voyage by the steamer. [Note 046.2]

Spoken: "I say, vaterman, vaterman, you vith a ruby nose like the Red-lion, in Bishopsgate-street, can you take us in?"-
" To be sure I can ; now isn't that prime ? ha! ha! to ask a Brighton man if he can take him in."-
"But mind, vaterman, I'm almost afeard to go ; is there no sand-banks or flats going over to Dieppe?"- [Note 046.8]
"Yes, yes, plenty of flats, my hearty, but we are sharp enough to take care of them."-" [Note 046.9]
See, here's the Rev. Dr. Do-little coming aboard, he has missed one of his parcels; and swears he can find but nine."-
"Let him alone, Bob, I never knew a parson in my life, that did not take care of the tenth."- [Note 046.10]
"Vell, that's a good joke, my noble."-
"Sit steady, there, you fat miss at the stern, as big as an elephant, if you wriggle and twist so, you'll make the boat yaw like a porpoise in a storm. Dieppe, ahoy !"-
"Dieppe, (aside) yes, yes, they seem deep ones, sure enough.

Fear not rocks, or quicksands, or running aground,
They who're born to be hang'd, can never be drown'd. [Note 046.7]
La! bless me ! Cousin Snip,
Did'st e'er see such a ship ?
I fear to be sick going over ;
Is our baggage safe on board,
With provisions are you stor'd,
Shall we get a sight of Dover?
Dear me ! see how she rocks,
You've spoil'd your Sunday frock,
Here, steward, bring Sally a basin ;
I sure shall stagger o'er,
Nor was e'er thus scar'd before,
Half so much when made a freemason. [Note 046.3]

Spoken: "Stand clear there, let go the fore-sail." -
"Four sails, Captain, I thought ve vas going by steam !"
"Sir, I should es-teem it a favour if you would hold fast your jawing tackle, and give your tongue a holiday cast off the painter(1) ; there she goes-steady, steady."-
"My eyes, vhat a wolcano of smoke, surely ; only see, that soldier belonging to the guards will be as black as a tincker [sic] soon."-
"No matter: can't help it : plenty of black-guards go over with us."-" Pa! pa ! vhat a vonderful noise the voter vheel makes, it's louder than London-bridge vater vorks."-
"Be quiet, child, and sit still. Pray, Mr. Steersman, ar'nt these vessels very dangerous? don't the boilers sometimes burst ?"
"Belay. belay, let's have no more of that London lingo, and palaver, or I'll blow you up. [Note 046.4]
To be sure one split in America, but there was only thirty-five lost out of forty ; never mind, trifling accidents like these will happen aboard the best boats.

Fear not rocks, &c.

Odzooks ! is this the pier ?
Why, what a sight is here ?
Such high caps-sun-burnt features,-
Large cock'd hats--ear-rings long- [Note 046.5]
And such a noisy throng,
Sure we're landed amongst wild creatures.
What a din and clatter,
How they grin and chatter,
And only to think, dearest cousin,
That smart Mounseer Morblew,
Says we soon shall parley-coo,
If we but eat French eggs by the dozen.

Spoken: "Prenez guarde, Monsieur-mi lor A ng-laise-prenez mon bras-take you care master Jackey, missee Jackee Bull."-
"La, pa! the mounseers take us for lords and ladies ! dear me, what large long ear-rings them there women have got, and such monstrous high caps."-
"Don't be so cap-tious, if you please, Sally, they'll think we know nothing of Fashion and Life in London: but be sure don't say nothing about Norton-folgate and Pepper-alley."- [Note 046.6]
"Bon l'eau de vie-une porteur, monsieur."-
"O, porter, well I am a little thirsty, bring a pot, but be sure you draw it mild, and, d'ye hear, take the chill off."-
"Non-non-Munsieur-vous no comprehend, J'ai portez votre baggage-votre parcel-voulez vous une jolie filly, Monsieur."-
"With all my heart, its the same thing to me whether I ride a jolly filly, or whether I go by one of your heavy bang ups, I forget what you call 'em."-
"Voiteurs, cabriolet(1)s, Monsieur -mi lor Anglaise."-
"Well, well, push on, keep moving."

Fear not rocks, &c.