I had to make a journey a little while ago
Somewhere down the Midland Counties you must know [Note 041.1]
A charming little creature was seated by my side
Who asked if I would lend her my Bradshaw's_Guide¹
This lady was troubled with absence of mind
The ticket for her journey she had left if far behind
She could not recollect the town to which she wished to ride
So I begged that I would lend her my Bradshaw's Guide

Yes she had actually forgotten the name of the town that she wished to travel to; could only remember that the word contained the letter R, M or W. so I began to run through a list of towns whose names contain that letter, such as

Chorus : Birmingham and Sandringham, Ulverston and Wolverton
                Dorchester and Porchester, Rochester and Ryde
                Arlington and Darlington, Torrington and Warrington
                She said she'd sure to find it in my Bradshaw's Guide [Note 041.2]

Then I produced my Bradshaw and said to her my fair miss
Perhaps the place you're wanting you may find out in this
She took the volume from me and eagerly she tried
To find the town she wanted in my Bradshaw's Guide
She searched o'er every leaf and turned o'er every page
Until at last this lady she got in quite a rage
She soon turned round to me and bitterly she cried
Dear sir I cannot find it in you Bradshaw's Guide. [Note 041.3]

Spoken: Although she said she'd read it all through.


I reached my destination and was going to alight
When she placed her hand upon my arm and said with much afright
Oh dear sir don't leave me all alone to ride
What shall I do without you and your Bradshaw's Guide
Said I then come along with me down to my hotel
Perhaps the place you're wanting you may happen there to tell
So she linked her arm in mine and I escorted her with pride
Said I I'll be your friend miss and your Bradshaw's Guide

Spoken: And says I we'll soon discover whether it is….


I hired a conveyance and quickly off we rode
I took to my quarters where she too took up abode
And all the live long day then both of us we tried
To find the town she wanted in my Bradshaw's Guide
And while we both were searching I squeezed her little glove
And suddenly discovered that I was deep in love
I proposed and was accepted and now she is my bride
And together we amaze ourselves with Bradshaw's Guide

Spoken: and of course you know she doesn't care anything now about….