My young swells come pity, pray,
The life of poor old Bob,
Who's been a stunner¹ on the turf¹,
But now he wants a job.
I understand the stable work,
I'm a good 'un at a sale,
But, alas, they've run me off the road,
For the swells all go by rail.
Oh, poor Bob, the groom,
Unhappy Bob, the groom-
Listen to the ups and downs
Of poor old Bob the groom.
When quite a lad I was cow boy,
But left home with the Dart, [Note 036.1]
To live with young Lord Chesterfield [Note 036.2]
A merry tiger¹ smart.
I next became a knowing¹ knave¹,
So was made a stable lad ;
But, Lord, I got so wide awake¹,
That I drove the coachman mad.
I next was seen a jockey boy,
With jacket, spurs, and whip,
Learn't the way to win or lose,
Just according to the tip².
At that time o' day swells came out flash¹,
They didn't mind the tin¹,
But though they often took me out,
I often took them in. [Note 036.3]
I next became a regular groom,
And some rummy¹ tricks did play,
I nailed the beans, the hay and corn, [Note 036.4]
But got found out and sent away.
But among the maids¹ I made it right,
For I kissed the cook so fat,
And though master thought I'd left the place,
I lived with him three years after that
Then I married cook, and bought a cab,
With two such nobby¹ horses,
But very soon I lost my tin¹,
For I had nothing else but losses.
Next was seen in Smithfield run, [Note 036.5]
And made it worth my while,
For l made the old hacks cock their tails,
'Cos I ginger'd 'ern in style.
Yes. I could make a blinker¹ see,
And patch up every wound,
But, alas, they gave me seven years,
For selling one unsound;
Then I returned to Regent Street,
And with Newmans got employ, [Note 036.6]
So I ran the Kent Road just three years,
A regular flash¹ post boy¹.
Alas, the rail, it cooked my goose, [Note 036.7]
And drove me off the land,
So I got a ticket and a place
To water a coach stand. [Note 036.8]
I drove a 'bus for seven days, [Note 036.9]
And I drove the parcel mail, [Note 036.10]
But because I found a leather trunk,
They pops me into jail.
But now I hold the horses, [Note 036.11]
Up and down Pall Mall,
But lord, the tin comes in very slow,
Though I knows every swell;
So, youngsters, if you wish to thrive,
Honesty will bring most gains,
So while you post¹ the road of life.
Mind never lose the reins.